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Tommy's Tale (The Ballad of the Obese Raccoon)

from Portrait of a Disappointment (Pandemic Sessions #2) by Marjorie Halloran

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about

The story of Tommy, a raccoon who is taken from his loving family and forced to make his own way on the streets. If Tommy eats too much, something terrible might happen...

lyrics

Once upon a time (but fairly recently),
there lived a man and woman who wanted a family,
one day they found a little raccoon abandoned by his mommy,
The Jeffersons, they loved him, kept him warm and safe and clean,
he was the cutest little woodland creature you had ever seen,
They adopted him and named him Tommy.

Eventually all good things must come to an end,
one dark and stormy night, a knock came at the door,
"Sorry, ma'am," the ranger said, "I'm here to apprehend,
you're keeping a wild animal ille gally, and we can't allow it anymore,"

"Please don't take him!" MrsJefferson cried, "This can't be real!
Where is he going to live? How will he find his next meal?"

The enclosure at the wildlife center wasn't too secure,
and time was of the esscence, his stomach couldn't wait,
There might be a better world out there, but how could he be sure?
Clever Tommy had to escape, and when he was out, he ate:

Snails and worms and lady bugs, apples nice and round,
a half eaten slice of pizza someone left on the ground,
Remnants of a casserole from a trash can up the road,
Tommy, if you're not careful, you'll explode,

It turns out when you're living on the streets, you gotta make your own way,
sneak in through the pet doors, help yourself to tuna pâté,
Tommy quickly realized lots of food is wasted and thrown away,
A neighborhood of picky eaters becomes a wild raccoon buffet

Oranges and avocadoes, grilled cheese with fries,
marshmallows with chocolate silk and coconut cream pies,
Taco shells and egg salad and a bit of liverwurst,
Tommy, if you're not careful, you might burst

The neighbors began calling him "Obese Raccoon
He grew too large for pet doors, people chased him with brooms,
He didn't really notice, and just kept on moving on,
going house to house 'til all the leftovers were gone,


When all the cans on elm street were empty, it was time
to move along, street by street to a better place
Up the social garbage bin ladder he climbed,
and fancy homes have the fanciest trash, so Obese Raccoon stuffed his face

Lobster and fois gras and ratatouille stew,
truffle risotto, lemon gelato, and a pot of cheese fondue,
Pinot noir and caviar, escargot nonstop,
And one sad day, our Obese Raccoon, he wasn't careful, and he went *pop*!

credits

from Portrait of a Disappointment (Pandemic Sessions #2), released May 7, 2021
Commissioned by Megan Jaquez for Brett Foster on his birthday
Music and lyrics ©2018 Marjorie Halloran Music

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Marjorie Halloran Austin, Texas

Marjorie Halloran is a San Francisco Bay Area-based composer, singer, and songwriter.

She is the co-founder of the chorus at the Vermont College of Fine Arts in Montpelier, VT, where she received her MFA in composition with an emphasis in songwriting.
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